Decided to ask B as well, after sharing my mum’s refreshing optimistic viewpoint in the last post. He’s usually a logical pessimist, while I’m a more emotional anxious person and we don’t always agree, so I was surprised to find that his response (unedited in italics) was quite comforting.
In his words: I think it’s just natural part of life. Something everyone goes through. These different stages of life. I don’t feel much about it. Nothing wrong with aging. I accept it.
I went on to probe and ask if he has any fears about aging: Well perhaps a fear that you can’t take care of yourself. That kind of thing. That’s why I’m trying to stay healthy. Maybe a fear of not having enough money to take care of yourself, so I’m planning my finances.
I proved further. What about the vanity aspect?: Nothing much. I accept whatever comes with aging – crumpled skin (he meant wrinkles, slip of the tongue, but I just love that he used the word crumpled, like in cloth – so much kinder)
Basically I accept it, but while accepting it, I’m also doing my best. Taking care of myself. Curing myself of diabetes by eating right. With diabetes comes medical expenses, amputations, vision issues. A lot of pain. If you are so heavy, you can’t move about and it makes it all worse.
Don’t allow it to get to a terrible state. I want to be able to walk and eat and then one day just go. A lot of people don’t take care of themselves and it’s not logical. It’s unwise.
When you grow old, you won’t have much hair, especially for men. It’s just part of it. Plastic surgery, botox, expensive supplements. I don’t believe in all that crap. If you’re suppose to have white hair & wrinkles, forcing it against the natural/ original design doesn’t make sense. So what if you’re very happy someone says you look so young, but deep down you know it’s fake. If you’re ever sick and hospitalised and can’t maintain your beauty treatments, you’ll return to your original state and give yourself a big shock. I do believe in basic things like moisturiser with hyaluronic acid for your skin though. (I’m proud to say I taught him this lol – very recently too. Previously it was horrors – soap)
The funny thing is, on the outside you can put on fake things, but if your system inside is bad it would be like a shiny red apple with a worm inside. People are not being logical.
It’s unfair, because you had your time already. You can’t hang on to the fact that you wanna be forever young. Nature will take its turn. That’s why it’s very sad. People who were very good looking (celebs, models, the rich etc) may try to look and dress like an 18 year old, but are actually frail inside. It’s actually very sad and a tragedy. These people have had praise all their lives, so they cannot accept loosing that status.
Let’s say in the future there’s cosmetic advancements such that you can be made to look like an 18 year old, but on the inside you’re 80. Say you collapse & no one knows. No 18 year old bones, but 80 year old bones! It’s the vanity of man.
The above may sound a bit harsh, but that’s the workings of a plain speaking logical mind. I on the other hand will not go ‘gently into the night’ and will cry over my vanity issues and rail against the ‘dying of the light’.
I hope, I too can get to a point of graceful acceptance, even though the media around me creates extra anxiety with ageism. They don’t allow women to grow old and criticise them and that’s the root of it all. Can the world stop criticising and allow us all to age naturally?
I see only beauty in my mum and aunts. Beauty that comes with their love and grace that is somehow manifested in their whole being. I would certainly be happy to be as beautiful and elegant as they are.